15 Telltale Signs That You Are Not Liked At Work
Being liked isn’t everything. In fact, books like The Courage to Be Disliked explain how being less-than-popular can serve to your advantage. Before you’re comfortable being disliked, though, you must be aware that others aren’t your fans.
Many of us want to be liked, as our deepest biological instincts drive us to be part of a tribe. Whether you’re OK with being unpopular or you are willing to modify your behavior to better fit in with your coworkers, the first step is recognizing where you stand.
If you see any of these signs during your work, consider that you won’t win any office popularity contests (and that might be all right).
1. You’re Not Involved in Office Gossip
As sure as the sun will rise and the birds will chirp, workers will gossip. If you are rarely or never in the loop regarding Stacy’s affair or the boss’s toupee, it’s probably not because your coworkers are above rumor-mongering.
You have to consider that there’s at least a reasonable chance that some of the gossip revolves around you if you don’t hear gossip. Even if it doesn’t, your lack of shifts at the rumor mill may suggest that your co-workers don’t trust you very much.
2. Their Bodies Tell the Story
While most of us can force a smile and even maintain eye contact in uncomfortable situations, body language can be more difficult to control.
Rapid blinking, lip-biting, pursed lips, fidgeting, a turned body, and crossed arms are among the signs that coworkers aren’t eager to interact with you. The eyes are the window to the soul and can also be a window into how your coworkers feel about you.
3. Smiles Are Few and Far Between
Smiles, laughter, and other overt signs of positive emotions tell you a whole lot. When you find that coworkers rarely smile at you, it is a telltale sign that they are not happy to be around you.
It’s important to reiterate that you should not let coworkers’ interactions dictate your mood or self-worth. However, if you want to be liked by those you work with, you might consider that infrequent smiles might indicate that something you do puts them off.
4. You’re Always Engaging Them (and Not Vice Versa)
Attention is currency. If you are feeling broke when it comes to non-essential interactions with your coworkers, the lack of attention might be a sign of dislike.
Whether you’re in a loveless marriage or a friendship with someone who is all about themselves, you notice when you are constantly engaging (and not receiving reciprocal attention). The same dynamic can be apparent in an office of people who aren’t especially keen to know you.
5. Your Jokes Never Land
Look, you’re not Norm Macdonald. Still, you’re funny enough that your one-liners and dad jokes should elicit a laugh, or at least a wry smile, once in a while. If your jokes consistently cue crickets, it may not be the jokes themselves that your coworkers dislike.
It’s basic courtesy to indulge coworkers trying to lighten the mood. If your office mates don’t even grant you the courtesy of trying not to embarrass you, there’s a great chance they don’t like you very much.
6. All Your Discussions Revolve Around Work
Work is the primary reason you and your coworkers interact, but it is not the totality of the work experience. If your only discussions with your coworkers revolve around work, this might indicate that your workers view speaking to you as a duty, not an elective.
Questions about your family, hobbies, and vacations should come, even just occasionally. If they never come, then you must come to terms with your loathsome status.
7. You Frequently Receive Negative Feedback
People who are well-liked get away with a lot. Whether it is Mark Wahlberg’s fans forgetting that he brutally assaulted a couple of guys in his younger years or your favorite politician continuing to get elected with a closet full of skeletons, popularity goes a long way.
So, if you constantly receive critical feedback (including for seemingly minor errors), it’s a likely sign that your Q score is not especially high around the office.
8. You Don’t Receive Compliments
Many people give compliments because they genuinely mean it. Suzy from accounting might, for example, like Bob from HR’s new Corvette and might tell him as much.
In many cases, though, people compliment those who want to like them back. If you don’t receive compliments—for work, weight loss, or anything else—, consider that your fellow employees don’t particularly care whether you like them or not.
9. You’ve Never Hang Outside the Office
Making adult friends is tough. Therefore, many co-workers see the office as a logical place to find people who willwatch the football game, hit the bars, or go to the movies with them.
Of course, the unpopular kid does not get invited to the parties. If you never find yourself at McSorley’s Pub or the local bowling alley with your coworkers, it’s time to accept that you might be the unpopular kid—hurtful as that revelation may be.
10. You Don’t Get Promoted
Unfortunately, many organizations are not the meritocracies that they should be. Earning promotions is as much about your professional relationships as they are about your skills and tangible accomplishments.
While some leaders can capably rule with an iron fist, respect is usually a prerequisite for leading a team of subordinates. If your coworkers don’t respect or like you, then your superiors may sense it. If they don’t feel you could move your peers to action, your bosses may consistently overlook you for promotions.
11. You’re the Butt of Jokes and Hurtful Comments
The office can sometimes feel like the middle school hallway. Some coworkers will think little of demeaning, degrading, and mocking the perceived weak link in the office social hierarchy, whether it’s due to insecurity, a malicious streak, or a mob mentality gone haywire.
If you find yourself becoming the butt of the joke more often than others, or coworkers are quick to mock your clothing, haircut, or means of social interaction, it’s a sign they’re not very fond of you.
12. You’re Not in the Office Fantasy Football League
Perhaps your coworkers saw you winning the March Madness bracket every other year and decided they didn’t want a ringer dominating the fantasy football league. Or, more likely, you’re not considered part of the clique, and your peers don’t want any more interaction with you than they are required to have.
Fantasy football is one of the most indelible forms of intra-office bonding. You might not be bonded to your coworkers if you’re not in the league.
13. Complaining About You to Superiors
There is plenty of gray area when it comes to acceptable co-worker interactions. If a six-foot-four boss with a Maserati makes a borderline inappropriate comment to a female subordinate, that subordinate may be less likely to file a complaint with HR.
On the other hand, if the unclean, Honda Civic-driving mail delivery associate makes the same comment, they may be more likely to face a swift meeting with a human resources professional. This is just reality, so one or more complaints (especially ones you deem unwarranted) could indicate the complainant just doesn’t like you.
14. Co-Workers Don’t Hold the Door
Holding the door or someone is more than just a decent gesture. When you hold the door, you also accept that you will need to engage with the person you’re holding the door for, and possibly even have a conversation as you walk side-by-side to the office parking lot.
Therefore, if you find that co-workers don’t typically hold the office doors for you, they may be trying to avoid you, even at the cost of appearing indecent.
15. They Don’t Offer to Cover When You’re Down
If someone feels friendly towards you, they will respond compassionately to signs of distress. Whether you’re sick, overwhelmed, suffering personal hardship, or experiencing a mental lull, popular employees can expect their peers to (at the very least) offer to help.
If you never seem to receive offers of assistance, mainly when your hardship is apparent, your coworkers may have little regard for you as a person.
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