14 Phrases Cops REALLY Don’t Want to Hear During a Traffic Stop
You might be the safest driver in the world, but eventually, you’re going to get pulled over. A clerical snafu that leads to your license being unjustly suspended, a momentary distraction while your foot weighs heavy on the accelerator, or any other unintentional hiccups could lead you to a face-to-face encounter with a boy (or gal) in blue.
Composure is the number one asset during a traffic stop. Knowing what to say is just as vital as knowing what not to say. We’re going to help you with the latter, as several phrases should never—under any circumstances—exit your oral cavity during a traffic stop.
1. “I Have a Gun”
Law enforcement officers must operate under the assumption that anyone they pull over could be armed and dangerous. Even when someone professes to be unarmed, cops are often skeptical and wary that motor vehicle occupants might have a lethal weapon under their seat.
Unless you are responding to a question about having a firearm in your vehicle, it’s best not to make any statements that communicate imminent danger to the officer—”I have a gun,” included.
2. “Yes, I’ll Take the Breathalyzer Test”
Any adult who has enjoyed a cocktail or Guinness in their life knows there is a fine line between being in near-complete control and being over the legal limit. Nobody intends to drive drunk, but there’s no need to expose yourself to a DUI charge if you have any questions that your breathalyzer test results may come back unfavorably.
Any friendly officer or lawyer will tell you: Never take a breathalyzer test if you have any questions about your blood alcohol content (BAC). Treat a police officer’s offer of a breathalyzer test like Nancy Reagan treated illicit narcotics: Just say no.
3. “I Am a Sovereign Citizen”
We have all seen the Twitter videos of “sovereign citizens” bating police officers into confrontations. Have you ever seen those videos end well for the sovereign citizen?
There is a case to be made about civil rights and questionable tactics for pulling over law-abiding motorists. However, if you want to make an inconvenient traffic stop (a molehill) into a far bigger deal (a mountain), refuse to show your identification or comply with the police officer’s orders.
4. “I Give Consent to Search the Vehicle”
While complying with basic requests and commands is best practice for leaving a traffic stop as soon as possible, you should also set healthy boundaries.
The Fourth Amendment protects you from unlawful search and seizure. If a police officer asks to search your vehicle, it’s generally wise to exercise this right. Your vehicle is a can of worms you probably don’t want to be opened, so learn this phrase by heart: “I do not consent to a search of my vehicle”
5. “I Had Two Drinks”
Virtually every intoxicated motorist ever has answered the question “have you had anything to drink tonight (or, this morning)?” with “I had two beers.” Two beers seem to be the human race’s implicitly agreed-upon synonym for “just sober enough to drive.”
Even if you have had two beers, saying, “I’ve had two beers,” can make you look guilty as a sin. Instead, simply refuse to answer the question (and any subsequent questions) and consider calling your lawyer.
6. “I’m Not Sure If There’s Anything Illegal in the Vehicle”
When it comes to denying criminality, be direct and confident. After all, most of us truly have nothing illegal in our vehicles, so deny the presence of illicit drugs, weapons, humans, and other prohibited fare with your chest.
If you say any variation of the phrase “maybe” or “I’m not sure” in response to questions about illegal items in your car, you may open the door of probable cause and the Pandora’s box that comes with it.
7. “I Was Distracted”
Distracted driving is illegal, but the penalties for distracted driving are not life-changing in most cases. What could be life-changing, though, is the lawsuit you face after admitting to causing a collision while distracted.
Remember that there is a personal injury lawyer on a billboard every half-mile along the road. These lawyers are like rabid dogs itching to consume every dollar you’ve accumulated. Don’t give them ammunition by admitting to distracted driving (which a police officer will include in their report) or any other form of negligence, for that matter.
8. “So This Is Where My Tax Dollars Are Going…”
While you might quibble with specifics about how police departments allocate funds or the extent to which they are increasingly difficult to differentiate from the military, there’s no question that tax dollars are well spent on protecting the public.
Suggesting that a police officer (or their chosen course of action) constitutes a waste of your money is non-productive sarcasm that increases your likelihood of being ticketed. If it’s cathartic, that’s your call to make, just don’t expect the comment to get you out of a fine.
9. “You’re Making a Big Mistake”
Uttering any phrase that could be misconstrued as a threat against a law enforcement officer is a bad idea. Should you suggest that the law enforcement officer is making a mistake, you come perilously close to the gray zone that separates a mere observation from a threat.
Suggesting retribution towards a police officer is unwise for several reasons, with potential criminal charges being near the top of the list.
10. “Pig”
It’s wise to refrain from any pejoratives when dealing with police officers, including comparing them to swine. Though this is a refrain you will hear frequently at anti-police rallies, you’re not at an anti-police rally—you’re at a traffic stop.
When dealing with someone who has the power to fine and potentially arrest you, stick to the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” school of interpersonal relations.
11. “What Would It Take to Make This Go Away?”
Bribing a public official is a crime. Despite what The Sopranos, GoodFellas, and other profiles in criminality may have suggested, the typical traffic cop is not interested in your sweaty $20 bill.
If you’re intent on handing over an item of value to make your legal matter go away, there’s an obvious course of action for you. Pay the ticket.
12. “I Know Why You Pulled Me Over”
There are two classes of traffic stop participants: Those who knowingly broke the law and those who made an unwitting mistake. Do everything you can to place yourself in the latter category, beginning by displaying total bewilderment about what you could have done to warrant the stop.
Mistakes happen and are often met with mercy. Violations of the criminal code are generally punished swiftly and mercilessly. Act accordingly.
13. “What the F*** Do You Want?”
Chris Rock’s timeless sketch titled “how not to get you * butt * kicked by the police” is equal parts comedy and PSA. One of the lessons Rock shared was “be polite,” specifically in your initial interaction with the officer.
You may have seen the videos on Cops or X, illustrating that not everybody takes a cordial tack with officers who ruin their day with a traffic stop. You also may have noticed that those videos never end well.
14. “Do You Know Who I Am/My Father Is?”
Citing your big-wig lawyer father or grandfather who served on the city council is an express lane to an escalated fine. Unless you genuinely have sway and believe credibly that name-dropping could make a likely ticket into a warning, refrain from playing the “do you know how I am?” card.
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